[joy.writting] NYAWA BAGAI TEKA-TEKI C1P4

BAB 1 : BAHAGIAN 4

"runtuhan terulung dibikin hiasan.."

Si mangsa memandang tepat pada anak mata si penjahat, mencari secebis rasa belas kasihan. Maafkan aku, walau apa pun salah ku. Bunyi nafas yang kini cemas, semakin kuat apabila si mangsa cuba bernafas dengan muncung pistol penuh dalam ruang mulutnya. Rasa besi dan karat dan belerang peledak. Tiba-tiba pistol ditarik keluar dari mulutnya. Helaan nafas lega dari si mangsa, tanda bersyukur nyawanya dipanjangkan sedetik lagi.

“Ada kata-kata terakhir?” tanya si penjahat.

“Aku..”

Belum sempat si mangsa menghabiskan ayatnya, muncung pistol ditekan kuat ke dahinya. Picu disentap dengan kuat. PAM! Bunyi tembakkan memecah kesunyian malam di sekitar bangsal usang yang entah di mana lokasinya. Mungkin terletak jauh dari populasi kerana si penjahat tidak mengenakan penyenyap. Peluru yang meluru keluar kurang dari sesaat bunyi tembakkan didengari, menusuk masuk ke dalam kulit dahi, melepasi lapisan tengkorak, menebuk otak si mangsa sebelum keluar di belakang kepala. Semua dalam sekelip mata. Mata si mangsa terbeliak. Nafas yang terakhir dihembus apabila peluru meninggalkan ruang otak.  Badan si mangsa yang keras menahan kesakitan sebentar tadi, terus lemah longlai tidak bernyawa. Tangan si mangsa terus jatuh menyeret lantai.

Darah dengan perlahan, malu-malu untuk menerpa keluar dari lubang di dahi mangsa. Mengalirlah darah menyusuri dahi si mangsa, ke dalam rambut dan menitik ke lantai. Si penjahat menghembuskan nafas lega. Matanya tertumpu pada sesuatu yang tergantung di leher mangsa. Seutas rantai perak, digelangi dengan sebentuk cincin yang berbatu permata. Si penjahat mengampu cincin tersebut dengan tapak tangannya sambil darah yang kini turun ke bawah, mengalir pada rantai tersebut.

“Jangan lupa,” Si penjahat mengeluh, sambil mengesat matanya yang kini sudah pun berair, sedih,“sampaikan salam aku padanya bila kau jumpa dia di sana.”

Rantai tersebut disentap, dan dimasukkan ke dalam kocek jaketnya. Dia kemudian bangun sambil mencapai pemegang beg peralatannya. Digalas beg tersebut selepas dilurut zipnya kembali. Dia berjalan dengan langkah yang perlahan menuju ke pintu besi yang kini menjadi saksi apa yang berlaku dalam bangsal usang ini. Tombol pintu dipulas, dan si penjahat berpaling untuk kali terakhir pada mayat si mangsa.

Mata si mati terus terbeliak, sambil darah yang kini telah selaras tekanannya dari dalam badan dan persekitaran bilik, mengalir dengan deras, meninggalkan si mati, memenuhi lantai. Merah pekat. Si penjahat kemudian menarik penutup kepala pada jaketnya melitupi rambut yang dibasahi peluh. Pintu besi dihempas dari luar sebelum kedengaran bunyi rantai-rantai besi dibelit pada pintu. Bunyi tapak kaki yang sedang berjalan ke arah belakang bangsal terhenti secara tiba-tiba. Suis dipetik dari luar rumah, dan kini lampu kalimantang yang menerangi ruang dalam bangsal yang tidak bertingkap ini terpadam. Gelap. Bunyi enjin kereta dihidupkan dan tayar-tayar yang mencengkam batu-batu jalan apabila kereta yang dipandu si penjahat meninggalkan bangsal tersebut, memecah kesunyian.

-TAMAT BAB 1-

[joy.writting] NYAWA BAGAI TEKA-TEKI C1P3

BAB 1 BAHAGIAN 3

"..cermin yang digilap takkan secerah cermin baru"

“Engkau yang lakukan sesuatu yang bodoh,” bisik si penjahat. Seperti dia sedang cuba untuk mengawal jentera kejahatan dalam dirinya. Tetapi hasutan syaitan dan dendam kesumat yang marak menyala, membakar segala perikemanusiaan yang ada dalam dirinya. Tidak ada apa yang boleh menghalang apa yang akan terjadi dalam beberapa minit yang akan datang. Hanya Tuhan.

Si penjahat mencapai beg peralatannya. Ditarik rapat beg itu ke kakinya. Zip disentap dan dikuakkan mulut beg tersebut sambil tangannya mula mengembur, mencari sesuatu di dalam beg yang dipenuhi dengan peralatan bertukang. Apa yang hendak ditukangi di situasi begini? Mungkin paku untuk dipasak ke dalam tubuh untuk menyeksa? Tukul untuk memecahkan apa yang patut dipecahkan untuk menamatkan riwayat seseorang? Gergaji untuk mengerat mangsa yang sudah tidak bernyawa – memudahkan pelupusan?  Tetapi bukan peralatan-peralatan ini yang dicari. Si penjahat sekali lagi menyeringai apabila menemui apa yang dicarinya dalam beg peralatan itu.

“Sebelum kau mati, aku ada hadiah untuk kau,” kata si penjahat sambil meletakkan sesuatu yang digenggamnya di atas lantai, di hadapan muka si mangsa. “Tidak adil kalau aku jumpa apa yang aku cari, dan engkau tidak.” Sambung si penjahat yang kini sudah berpaling dari si mangsa, menyelak penutup kepalanya dan menarik nafas yang panjang.

Muka si mangsa berubah apabila melihat apa yang dipersembahkan kepadanya, di atas lantai, di hadapan mukanya. Hadiah? Betul, tapi bukan dalam keadaan begini yang aku mahu menerimanya. Dahinya berkerut apabila melihat objek tersebut. Segala persoalannya telah terjawab. Kini sudah jelas, apa yang dicarinya selama ini sudah terhidang di hadapan mata. Tetapi, dengan keadaan yang terbelenggu dan mungkin akan disentap nyawanya dalam beberapa minit lagi, dia tidak dapat berbuat apa-apa. Hanya berserah. Objek yang berbentuk kiub, terdiri dari gabungan sekumpulan kiub-kiub kecil yang membentuk  enam muka, dilitupi oleh sembilan pelekat, setiap satu daripada enam warna yang berbeza. Ia adalah salah satu permainan teka-teki mekanikal 3 dimensi yang terkenal di seluruh dunia. Diberi nama sempena perekanya, Erno Rubik.

“Hari ini aku berjaya menemukan keenam-enam muka dengan warna yang sama.” Riak si penjahat, sambil bangun dari kerusi dan ditolaknya kerusi ke tepi. Kakinya menguis sampah sarap yang berada di sekeliling si mangsa.

 “Tugas aku hampir selesai,” si penjahat berkata sambil menyarung tangannya dengan sarung tangan kulit yang berwarna gelap. Dia menghampiri si mangsa, “Jadi, aku mahu selesaikan secepat mungkin. Aku penat. Dah tiba masa untuk aku pergi bercuti.” Ujar si penjahat dalam nada berseloroh.

Si penjahat dengan perlahan mencapai sesuatu yang diselitkannya di belakang badan. Mata si mangsa kini terbuka besar dan mula berlinang air mata apabila melihat apa yang dipegang si penjahat. Si penjahat senyum sambil mencekah Colt M1911. Muncung pistol yang diperbuat dari keluli kini dirodok ke dalam mulut si mangsa. Sudut pistol kini diacukan ke lelangit si mangsa. Jari si penjahat erat di pemetik picu. Peluh dingin membasahi kepala si penjahat. Tangan kirinya mengaru-garu kepala dan kembali merapi rambutnya.

-TAMAT BAHAGIAN 3-

[joy.writing] NYAWA BAGAI TEKA-TEKI C1P2

BAB 1 : BAHAGIAN 2

"tidak perlu digilap cermin yang pecah.."

“Bagus! Engkau masih boleh sedarkan diri,” tegur si penjahat sambil mencekak pinggang. “Engkau kuat,” tangan si penjahat mengacah-acah untuk menumbuk tubuh si mangsa. “Aku biasanya memerlukan serbuk lada hitam untuk mengejutkan mereka-mereka yang sebelum engkau, ” sambung si penjahat lagi.

Dia kemudian  berjalan ke arah muka pintu dan menarik tombol pintu dengan perlahan. Pintu ditutup dan tangan kirinya laju menyeluk ke dalam poket seluar. Sekotak rokok dan sebatang pemetik api digenggam. Perlahan kakinya melangkah ke arah sebuah kerusi plastik yang bersandar pada dinding. Kerusi ditarik menghampiri si mangsa, dipusingkan supaya penyandar kerusi tersebut membelakangkan muka si mangsa. Kaki dikangkangkan dan punggungnya dilabuhkan ke atas kerusi plastik itu. Pemetik api dipetik dan rokok yang sudah dikucup bibir dinyalakan. Asap rokok dihela dengan dalam sebelum dihembuskan ke arah siling. Si mangsa merengus dalam kesakitan. Si penjahat kembali menumpukan perhatiannya kepada si mangsa. Matanya penuh dengan kejahatan, seakan-akan syaitan yang bertopengkan manusia, gembira melihat apa yang terhidang di hadapan mata. Fikirannya yang penuh dengan dendam, keganasan dan seribu macam cara untuk mencabut nyawa si mangsa secara perlahan, jelas terpancar di raut wajahnya. Nafasnya kini semakin tidak tentu arah. Dia sudah tidak sabar. Sudah tiba masanya.

“Turunkan aku! Bukan ini caranya!” teriak si mangsa, diikuti batuk-batuk akibat nafas yang cemas. “Kita boleh berbicara selagi engkau tidak melakukan sesuatu yang bodoh! Turunkan aku!” si mangsa dalam keadaan mengah berteriak lagi, dengan harapan si penjahat gentar dengan gertakkannya.

“Engkau tak tahu sudah berapa lama aku memburu kau,” kata si penjahat sambil berlegar-legar sekeliling bilik.“Masa untuk berbicara sudah tamat. Engkau sudah tahu ini akibatnya kan?” Dia membongkok dan memandang si mangsa tepat pada mata. Kedua-dua tapak tangannya di tengkuk si mangsa, ditariknya ke atas supaya dapat dilihat wajah lelaki yang memulakan segalanya. Si penjahat membesarkan matanya dan mengetap gigi.

-TAMAT BAHAGIAN 2-

[joy.writing] NYAWA BAGAI TEKA-TEKI C1P1

BAB 1 : BAHAGIAN 1

“Biar mata di kepala terpejam, jangan mata hati dibiarkan kelam”

Seorang lelaki, hanya berseluar, berada di tengah-tengah sebuah bilik usang. Kakinya diikat dan dia digantung dengan kepalanya ke bawah. Kedua-dua tangan dirantai ke lantai. Mukanya merah padam. Tarikan graviti memaksa darah dari semua arterinya untuk turun ke kepala. Peluhnya menitik setiap detik ke lantai yang dilitupi habuk, kertas surat khabar lama, tin-tin kosong dan sampah sarap lama. Bilik yang tidak bertingkap ini hanya diterangi dengan sebatang lampu kalimantang di atas lantai. Kedengaran bunyi cengkerik, dan sesekali tikus menyelinap di celah-celah sampah sarap yang bertaburan di sekitar bilik. Segala bunyi-bunyian unggas malam terhenti apabila kedengaran bunyi sebuah kenderaan menghampiri. Kenderaan itu berhenti dan enjin dimatikan. Bunyi pintu kereta dibuka dan dihempas tutup dengan pantas, disusuli dengan dentingan kunci-kunci dan rantai di sebelah luar pintu. Tombol pintu dipulas dan pintu besi yang berkarat dimamah usia kini terayun ke dalam membanting dinding. Bayang-bayang seorang lelaki yang berjaket menutup kepala berdiri di muka pintu.

Angin malam yang dingin menerjah masuk bilik apabila lelaki yang berjaket ini menghampiri . Tangan kanannya yang erat menggenggam pemegang beg dibuka dan beg yang digenggam tadi jatuh menghempas lantai. Bunyi besi-besi seakan-akan peralatan pertukangan; tukul,gergaji dan paku, menghempas lantai, membuatkan lelaki yang sedang tunggang terbalik dunianya ini terperanjat dan terjaga dari pengsannya. Di bawah penutup kepala, kelihatan satu senyuman sinis apabila cahaya lampu kalimantang yang dibiarkan berbaring di atas lantai menyinari sebaris gigi di bawah penutup kepala jaket seorang lelaki yang kini sudah pasti mempunyai niat yang jahat. Si mangsa kini yang telah sedar mula meronta-ronta. Rantai-rantai yang mengikat tangannya cuba disentap dengan sekuat hati, tetapi tidak sedikit pun melonggarkan skru-skru yang memahat penghujung rantai ke lantai simen itu. Si mangsa mengetap giginya, menahan kesakitan akibat pergelangan tangannya yang melecet.

-TAMAT BAHAGIAN 1-

Oh My God!

In the midst of creating music, on the verge of creative ideas between me and Razin, I've almost forgot that I have this in my possession. Its a work in progress still, with all the channels are unequally balanced, giving the song a raw yet noisy sound. Enjoy! Now currently try to re-track the arrangement, maybe up the style a lit'bit by adding up some solos. The acoustic version will be uploaded soon.

Trunk radio is currently a proposed name for my band..hahaha! But 2 years has passed, and i think its time to rename it to something more innovative. A couple of ideas came up. How bout "Metropolis With Two Colors"? Or maybe "Trauma Theme Park"? Or how about just plain and simple, "Sleepwalk" Hmm? Well, for those who didn't know, yes! This is my own song. Thank you~

Queens that lift me, into zero gravity

At first there was Matt Bellamy, a wacky and some say "the sexiest rocker" alive! I was drooling over my guitar, strumming and mesmerizing all his mad-lick and futuristic riffs. Several damage done to my brain when listening to Knights Of Cydonia..But the complicated and God-like material thus keep me bored sometimes. So its time to move on....

Then all of the sudden, the stage was dark as the dawn. Electric surges electrify the speaker's tower and lighting up the stage light in neon-laser ray with fast running motion. Driving the crowd in my right brain crazy and start pushing towards the center of my head. The electronic generated sound then lights the atmosphere. With smokes, merge a figure, holding a weird looking instrument in his hand. With both of his hand's finger, he touches the buttons on that instrument, exhales a sound of melodic-heaven with a post metal and techno, exploding my brain out, splattering on the walls and ceiling. "Pendulum..fuh~" one of them whispered to me. Only my eyes rolling back and forth trying to put back together my brain, pieces by pieces.

Just about to recover, a slow vocal introduces his self as J.H of the west. The bass kicks in and my head start to nod, lightly but not violently. The vocal continues, trying to help me recover. The rhythm guitars starts to light up the hall with a slow strum, sending the audience, nodding their head, back and forth, like a leaf, blown away by a steady breeze. The drum builds up, cymbals crashing repeatedly,  the vocal rose up and along with the audience, as they are not, not one bit, touching the ground and hover to the chorus. The interludes repeats a same riff, all the listeners snap like their are having a spasm attack. The lead shreds their open wide mouth, wide open. Jaws are all on the floor and eyes are bleeding tear as the scaling goes deeper into the heart of the song. Its about to come, to climax on their chest, open wide girls. Here it comes! PUFFF~all heads blown away, eyes popping out, tongue cut into half, face shatter and blood is everywhere! The vocal then settles it down with a whisper "We are The Queens...." I felt on the floor before he finished his sentence..asleep..

Reconcile from the Death

"Death" is his name..he came silently behind..so soft onto my mattress..so quiet..he makes the mosquito buzzing near my ear sounds like the 4th of July..the trees smile from outside the window..with the roots cross hoping to see me die tonight..crows and vultures gather on top of my roof..watching under..chanting the anthem to call upon my rusted soul..The Death is near..i can hear his breath..every hiss me makes when he comes closer to view..I'm so unprepared..what have i done all in my life that I'd deserve such death..Did i forgot all about Him? Did i do my deeds correctly..I am so unprepared..about to swallow the shadow that arises in front of me..this is not it..please tell me its not it..please!

Click!

The light of my untidy room shines my lazy eye, bleeding the darkness in my retina with lights of the chemistry reaction occurring in the glass tube just beneath my ceiling. The light then filtered by a series of repetition shadows of ceiling fan blades..circling my view..spirally throws me into a vertigo. Snap! A soft hand touched my palm, pulling me towards a certain fragrance area. My cheek touches her soft and subtle shoulder. Imagining myself fell face down on a field of blossom and lily and rose and such a beautiful being floats over these field, smiling. I felt safe. The song stops banging on my eardrum as those earphone that supplies me with Valium of the sounds, unplug from its origin position. Both of my eyes open wide, finding a reason to get up so early in the morning. Just like that, the reason to get up, to live, the reason to everything that is living and moving, revolving around the world, stood upon me.

"Get up, get dressed and get real"

Such a nice voice, a nice tone from the one and only. Those 7 words really made my day. My eyes wide open. Crawling out of my bed, reaching for my stuff lying around the floor. My cellphone, got it! My cigarette, got it! My lighter, got it! My pants, got it! Crawling out is the most easiest part, but the next part is utmost the hardest level yet, trying to get up. The season just started, i can feel the warmth of sun light, burn my skin. The world is getting hotter and hotter, I've noticed. Its time to put on those pants of yours and start crunching the numbers. We are losing daylight, here! So here I am, not saying good night, just saying........................

Asthma Strikes Back!

11:56 PM

Wheezing sound of trapped mucous at the center, of now tighten airways in my chest, disturbs and awake me from my slumber. Not only the "weeeezz..", every time I hauled air into my mouth, but also, the vibration, the rumbling of the tighten bronchi passageways, as air is forced in and out through that fully-occupied barrier. My chest hurts, screaming and begging for mercy, as I, piercingly, purges air into my now-considerably-tired lungs. My lungs and airways doesn't agree with their master, and tend to retaliate to a series of painful and excruciating coughs, that can be heard miles away.

Not those pills, those bitter-to-kill pills, can even help me now. 4 pills. Useless mercenaries, for the price that I've sacrifice. Even the brain, my brain, set up to join this mutiny. As I very tired and even betrayed by my own body, my own parts, I've tried my very best to stay vigilant. Keep my eyes open to the screen that shines my dark hideout. My eyes are trying to fight it off, the temptation, and keep focusing to the keyboard, while my fingers and heart are still here by my side, backing me up and keep coughing up word by word. Trying to at least complete this memoir to the 4th paragraph.

The A.C has been suspended by its duty and strip down its rank, as it is the one who responsible with this attack. Along with the miniature sized diseased of armies that hides under the carpet, the curtain, and some even prepared to maneuver an aerial assault, by camping on the ceiling fan. The can hide there, but what comes tomorrow, they can hide. Yes! A counter-strike is in motion, and soon, at dawn, the imploder-machines and broom stick and spongy mops shall rise from the depths of storage and come crushing down, sucking and tearing their based camps all over the house, and I promise you, it will be a b-e-a-u-tiful sight! 

But tonight, as I reaches the 4th paragraph, my brain discovers his enemy's weakness. Head-ache. The armies are marching in, with their war-drums, banging at my head's wall. Stomping the grounds of my eyes captivities, putting my eye's operator at gun-point and force them to relief their posts. My left eye twitches when the bullet goes straight to the operator's head. The gnomes that mutually cooperates to move and create motion on my fingers and arms as a team, are now their target. My eye's starts failing me as the glare from the computer screen penetrates the protective layer. Adding and additional pain to the already-roam swirl of madness in between my eye-brows. The head-ache now have completely evolve to the next level, a four-headed creature with spiky body armor and long-venomous fangs on each head, a Migraine.

The brains are now so powerful over his own master, ordered a full scale attack on all departments. I still with my gnome-operated finger and my oh-so-brave heart, prepares our last stand here. The coughs strikes hard on my chest, multiple hits, causing me to spits out the cast away. As the cough keep on bashing our fortress, the creature, the Migraine when loose. As the story told, no one can control a Migraine. She evolves, then she destroys all in its path. Only one can stand on its way. The white, oblong-ed, battle-cruiser with multiple rail-cannon and clocking ability called, Aspirin. But sadly, even the brain begs me to unleashed the Migraines match, its seems I'm out of stock. Me my self and the rest of us here, at our last stand fortress, realizes that the end is coming and no one can stop it. We watch from within the walls, the beast terrorizes the brain, feast on its flesh and sting all the roots of the neuro network with its acidic venom.

My heads getting heavier, and heavier as the darkness approaches. The fog of black smokes comes lurking form the upstairs department, leaving behind the destroyed faculties of my mind. Soon all transportation system will be paralyzed, as the red eyes and shining fangs approaches my neck. And yes, not long I've waited, the pain sets in. Its time for me, use this last energy, to get to bed, and closes my eyes, letting the colossal beast consumes me to the other world, the D-Land. Farewell all......Argh! The pain...Don't stop till you get on your bed!....good....ni..night.......******!*@#*!@$!(@$(!#)%)!#@)%!#_%_!_$ WEOQOQW..........................................................................................................................................

*** [TRANSMISSION LOST] *** 

LAST RECEIVED TRANSMISSION : 13/5/2127, 0050H

With "Different" On The Stereo

6.30 PM

Here it goes....

"Don't hide baby, let them see your true colors. Don't mind the camera, let them see your black heart tonight. Don't hide, baby, show them just how deep it goes. Don't mind the cameras, let them see your black heart, baby!" - taken from "Different" by Pendulum on "In Silico"

The playlist to charm and sprout a broken mind and soul, In Silico, performed by one of Aussie's sensation that is well reputed as notoriously famous with its drum & bass, fast paced, electronic rock synth and amusing yet unexplainable talent with live performance. Pendulum. One word, describing how the music lingers in my mind, back and forth, side to side on all axises of my sophisticated and spiraling neuro-netwoks in this rigid little brain of mine. The whole playlist just kept on repeating it self as one of the function provided in Winamp, is to repeat the playlist provided. Even so frequently the same song keep popping up, I myself find it hard to touch the playlist as it is so inviting and relentlessly pleasing my restless sense. With deep kicks of the bass drum, the fat bass plucking, weird but brilliant synth experimentation, mad guitar licks and mind-boggling lyrics put through a seriously massive and complicated vocoder and sound effect processing,only the God of Sounds capable in pulling something like it, i maybe wet my self to this fictitious assemble of the future music.

While Rob Swire continues to lead his band of brothers through "9000 Miles" of ear-storm, the sun sets on the horizon of now, mossy roof tiles. Those roof tiles have seen some crazy shits around these neck of the woods. Disputes and angst between neighbors, competing for "who has the biggest and most expensive big-ass front gate", group of underage "rempit" adventures through old and dusty back alley, too young to witness the act these forsaken and damaged youth on a pedophilic sexual experiments, so innocent with a hint of fear and pain, the look on that girl's face while still on her school uniform, ridden by a shameless yet a famous masked rider, concealing his identity when soon, the video hits the net, or maybe worst, just maybe, a homicide or two.Now, the roof tile lingerer stares at my bedroom window, through a thin layer of blue-satin curtains, watching me, as I scribble my syntax accurately, sharing my wisdom, my vision and my thoughts. A first-person's view through my eyes on a third-world capitalization and modernization, consuming the past around me and laying out futures where I sat and paint my own destiny, waiting for a hopefully, happy ending. At least somethings is not damaged or corrupted with this view, the roof tiles ought to smile if the have the lips to do so. Standing ovation even, to this young and humble writer, seeking asylum in his words.

8.34 PM

The end credits of Californication's seasons finale reeks my eyes as it is a good bye from Hank Moody for now. It ended with a beginning to a new adventure where Hank's book "Fucking & Punching" finally been adapted into a movie. Karen & Becca leaving L.A with Ben on a road trip across country. The last scene where Hank leaves the movie set and driving toward a long freeway with the sun, sadly setting down on the horizon, kinda makes my tear gland excretes moist in order to accommodate my sadness thoughts of the show finally coming to an end. Well its not till next year for the new seasons of Califonication to be aired in the U.S. Gonna miss your sick and twisted humors, Hank. Have a safe journey.

Then suddenly the Prayer Call echoes in the distance, pulling me out of my bed. Its dark outside, and the neighbor behind my house already turned on their lights. I think I'm the one living in darkness. I dunno why I hesitated to switch on the lights. Its something about the dark and loneliness, the silence, the asylum that I've been looking for. No other sounds linger in my room other than the processor's fan on my old and retired p.c. She used to one of the boldest in my time back in the days. The days where dual core processors and Direct X 9 was the latest. The days when Quake 4 and Doom III was a hit first person shooter that kept me up and awake all night busting my way out of Mars's moon, Phobos and defending earth from Strogg invasion. Yeah, I've always remembered those days. The days when sea water scent, in every hiss of soft sea breeze, touches my face every time I'd take a peek out side the window, overlooking the red twilight sky while the sun is setting down for the day. Its that tree. The one that have our sacred carvings. Our proof that once a upon a time, our love, have touched those grounds, that beach, that place. Will always have a special place in my recovering heart. No one really knows why exactly one smiles just by looking at a tree.

10.17 PM

While busying my self with pleasing my lady with words via instant messaging, my head wonders: do i always this good at writing? Or its only me that felt the greatness in my own vocabulary presentation? One's always tend to self-praised. But for me, that is just pure-pathetic. So I intended to write for public, for my friends, my lady or family. Keeping up my thoughts very publicly available but maintaining my writing style so people would recognize. So as by this moment, I'm planning to write something big. Its too early to call it a novel, and to dark and ominous to call it a short story. Just like the last time i started a joy write called "15" in my past entries. As the description may seems, joy writing, is what it has been. The 4 chapter of damaged youth, suspense and cliffhangers is where i started to see that i can write something. But then, the short story was deleted from my page cause of the irrelevant and way-too-complicated plot, too hairy endings and finding it difficult to continue after each chapter end with a cliffhanger. Its all about lack of planning, and the idea changes every time I start typing a new chapter.

So that's the end of "15". To who ever find it amusing to read those, I'd promise you, I'll re-write it back in a more constructed way. Now is the time for me to start on a new project, and yes, from the start of this entry, I've been picking my own brains and go through some ideas for a new story. And at this last paragraph, i finally compiled my ideas and sketches and ready to hit the papers. This new project of mine shall not be on any page of this blog, not till I'm done actually. Off to the papers!

Welcome Back

-Dreams are meant to be dreams, the only thing that possibly can come true, is a lie-

"As for the time being, everyone noticed that their beloved and adored clown been missing out in action late because he had to attend some minor issues of his own. The curtain and stage it self are longing for his personal touch of twisted and sick humor,spontaneous jokes about life and sex and death and all. The sweet clicking noise of the soundless keyboard, where he jolts all his wits and instantaneous impulses of his neurotic sense,without filtering for any kind of censorship, goes straight to his horny fingers, running down the crowd, like a blind old-man stroking him self in the dark to a blind female singer that he fantasized while he watches the death of poetry in literature nowadays. Well, it ain't blood and tears no more these days. As the dark cloud been marching off, the rabbit done died. The place once house a great deal of great memories, now fill with sick stenches of the dead and rotting bodies of sick lies and deceits that the man once thought a legend hides it all. The vultures will soon pick-up on this reeking smell of degenerate foul, and soon the skies will be dark again, not clouds this time. Instead ,wings of feathered being, hunger for a taste of decompose corpse, lying around the battlefield.

The skeletons are out from the closet and dressing up to hit the streets. But who am i to stop them, as these kind of secrets have a funny way of showing themselves out to world and making their self at home, getting comfortable and all. The owner shall be prepared for these kind of events. A liar must be prepared to take all the coming consequences for the sins he commits. Grip your fist firmly, grind your teeth on each other nicely, because, this is not the end. Its only the beginning of a long journey up ahead. And please be reminded to fasten your seat-belt, keep your tray table secured and your seat to an upright position. We'll be landing on the land of promises very shortly."

I've abandoned my blog for a long time for numerous reasons, and obviously I've ran out of ideas to write. What does one's should write when it comes to a dead end in his mind? I've been pissing smokes out of my word-factory lately. All the brilliant and wicked ideas bout fictional writing have been taken away from me instantly. Maybe its the burden my mind can't bear, a check my ass cant cash. Hell,i wrote it anyway,the damn check. Now the debts are on me. Thank G-O-D for the reasoning he gave me,the courage,the will,to broke out of my own prison,my own forsaken blockade that hold me,confines me behind a horrid lie,a deceitful life,a gateway and invitation to hell itself. Devil smiles cunningly as he devour me into the inferno.

Even it is so pleasing at the time, to live a life of false hope, fragile hearts and fucked up situations, but I'll tell you, some nights, even when you are not lonely, in my world at that times, the most loneliest night you'll ever experienced. There's a point in that life of mine, where it all stops to be pleasing and nice. All the laughter seems fake, all the jokes seems like someones making fun of someone's someone dead mother, all the fame and glory, gives you a funny feeling in your stomach, makes you wanna throw out any bodily fluids via your mouth's opening. Then the dream-catcher, stare right into your eyes, start to optically paralyzing you, blurring out the edges of your vision, one by one,  the life-like lie, the imagination, the people who you adored and adored you, taken away, eaten, chewed out of their flesh and bones by these horrifying creature from the dark. You'll felt a chilling breeze blowing through the curtains of your bedroom window. Not too cold at first, but as the night embarks, the freeze sets in, defying your own body temperature, lonely in the blistering cold of loneliness.

But there i was, with her, down by the lake. Somewhat awe me, and yet disgust me at the same time: the pink fungal growth on every spike of rubbish, or whats left sticking out of yet to be an attraction to fresh-student at the learning institution just up a head. Whatever that pink thing was, the question lingering in my mind, why does it infest the lake? Why? What catalyzes the infestation? Is it some kind of a toxic waste someones irresponsible to the nature dumped into the lake? Is it contagious? Does the spores infect human being and start turning us into mindless-pink-diseased freak? Suddenly, the siren comes singing, snapping me out of my unanswered inferences and hypothetically justice.

The science of fungal reproduction, manifestation and spore transfer theory were crushed by an unjustified justice blaspheme. The league continues, as me, once a scientifically observer of life around me, fights to just the unjust, with a law-educated person, like herself, that have all the facts,acts and judicial presidency on every single thoughts i have. Easily encountered, I'm out numbered by the very own law and justice we live on nowadays. The loop holes, secret passages leading to hidden doors that are fabricated by the very own corrupted souls in facilitating the corrupted kind with only one purpose: to pilot around the twists and hair-pin turns around these rocky, unstable and rough canyon we called life safely without a scratch. Believe me, these canyons are not made for those fainthearted. As the mathematical theory proves that the shortest distance from point A to point B in a straight line, but hell, if one willing to climb up and down these canyon. With the torturing wind, hailstorm, plus, we never know what kind of creatures lurking in the dark at its foggy abyss, waiting and wanting some poor soul to come tumbling down. Well that's the real story behind the curtains of reality. Even in real life, it doesn't always what it seems.

Then there it is a again! The siren, calling me back to reality. I dozed into dreamland to often, I've almost forgot what a beautiful being in front of me, giggling and smiling. He who dearly to descend me this being from up above, have a humorous way to make me feel hope, feel numb to the pain, smile in every tear, laugh in every page of condemn and critics, living my life like i should. Maybe its her witty jokes, her independent view on life as we all know it, or maybe her vague appearance: the smile that flares up into a small,mini-sized laughter every time i make a stupid face expression. Accompanied along side with her almost-red-head passion, a petite star in my lonely heart that shine to darkest days of my life. Even in this case, bitter and sweet does not come together as a word, as the moments of bitterness with her is rapidly sustained by the moment of sweetness comes short after. Whatever destined for me up ahead, as long as there is her, there's always me, and with me and her, there is us, against the world, against this cruel, cruel world.

A very successful day, I suggested to my self earlier on my way home. I've manage to hold on to the end of the meet without any premeditated arguments, without any slight hint of anger or sadness in her breath as i kissed goodbye. Comforting. Her final battle's tomorrow. She'll need all the energy and wisdom she can get her hands on. And I, as a joyous and yet humble companion, did just that. Giving her the right mind set to conquer the final hill on her journey this season: peace. Then, peace shall I provide her. Luck doesn't pleases me these days, so, may all your efforts be with you during your last purge.

For me, here I am. Lying lazily on my bed. With the a.c up and chilling up the room up to 20 degrees. Frostbites ain't getting to me with my comforter's up and covering me. The X42 here on my lap, digesting all that i have to give,spit and shout on this lovely 4:37 a.m. The gift earned with misleading details and falsified documents, this X42. Most utterly resembles a bastard child, but despite what it is, thankful is all that i ever praised. The keyboard has been kind to me since the past couples of hours, gently sinks in every single keystroke of my somewhat disturbed heart. Nowadays, even i cant determined what am i disturbed by, and it better remains that way for I'm not a thrill-seeker, seeking for a naked truth. I guess I'm riding this one out, gently, softly, with the beautiful being keeps me noted on the subject "not to get too excited with life". Taking it slow, day by day.

Good Morning and Good Day

Word Of The Day : Emolument
Its a noun with the meaning of "Payment for an office or employment; compensation". Its helds in the Middle English vocabulary and borrowed from Latin syntax : EMOLEMENTUM, that explains gain[pendapatan], which was originally meant for a miller's fee for grinding grain back in the days of grain grinding(Sigh! Gaji rupenye~ =.=)

Topic Of The Day : What's Love? [Part.2]

So here we are. Still at square one. What the fuck is love? Well, maybe its time i break it down to you guys bout what i think on the subject. I know its hard to understand what love is. Does it really exist? How do we notice? Is it good or bad to fall in love? But hey~if you reading this, you better be prepare for some weird shit i'm gonna write. 

Honestly, i'm not sure if i'm falling in love or not. But i am certain that i have some weird feelings. The symtoms are clearly looks like someone in a really great scare ; hearts pounding against your chest, sweat on your palms, the your fingers starts to twitch, the constant feel of inadequate with your appearance. Does it have to be that bad? No. Its the most exciting moment of my life. To feel her close, even with this level of nervousness and anxiousness, it felt right. Its almost the time stops. Its just you and her, freeze in the moment.

For my experience, i'll be using the pronouns for a female. Please be advice. For all the guys and lesbians out there that are reading, you'll get what i'm writing. But for a girl, please work your head around my writings to fully understand this post. Ngeh2!

The sweet smell of her perfume, her hair, makes you wanna take a bat and hit your head so hard till you bleed. The body movement, so soft, so light, so understandable, just like dancing with the dolphins over the shallow waters of the ocean. Her skin, her hands and the most mesmerizing part, her eyes. So vividly catchy, it catches your attention away. Not even a free PS3 was given away on the shops around you, would take your attention away(but if its real, hey~i'll grab one).


All these visual stimulation will stimulate the very inch of your brain, channel all your attention to this beautiful being, dancing in front of you. An instant act of stupidity shall occur from time to time, its normal. Stuttering lips when delivering words, shaking hands and breathless exhales in and out of your now dry tongue. Sounds torturing right? But its normal, as this is only an invisible touch of an angel, a high-definition view from a first person perspectives, from your eyes, direct link toward your heart. *The adrenaline of love*. 


It gets even worst, when the physical contact starts take place. Your palm, touch her soft skin, slides from her arm towards her palm. She giggles, an indirect way of saying "it tickles when you do that" without moving her lips. Her palm warm, like covering up in a comforter during a snow-storm. Her cheek turns red and her eyes running up and down, all over the place, trembled, as she felt your heart-beat on your palm. Yours and hers, beat as one, united. 


Without further a due, you plant one on her cheek and yada~yada~yada.....we all know where it lead to. Maybe thats how you'll feel love, maybe not. I'm just blab-erring here. No judgement need. But the way i describe it, maybe to graphical as all things are like in heaven for the first time. But when one single argument, can turn the tide around. Hell came up from underneath it self. Tug your skin with rusted hook and drag you straight down to the fire it self.


Do couples often fight? Does fight bring any good to any relationship? What does "give and take" even means? hey~i'm not even qualified with a PhD on "Love and Psychopath Fundamental". The answer to that question is ones experienced it self, and live another day to tell the untold story. Its not fair for only one opinion to judge the whole institution. Like i said earlier, its about EXPERIENCE. Seeing is believing.

Topic Of The Day : What's Love? [Part.1]

Any takers?

Yeah. This 4 letter word driven the humans into chaotic, pointless and craziness act and life-style but, its is undefined. Sure there are a lot of definitions on this subject, but most of it is just a one-man opinion on the this debacle, not merely a single comes close into scoring the true definition of LOVE. Hence, we run in circle, pointless nights of not sleeping, wondering, and hey~we are still back at square one. The same question pops back into our heads :

What the fuck is LOVE.....

We are not defining the love for religion and family because it is clear to us, that religion, God and family, do exists. Love our mom and dad because they give birth to us and we owe them till the day we die. And of course, religion and God. Who would not love them as they guide our life into passages of righteous and believes. Its not love but more likely to believes and absolution. Okay fine! So what about love between human? Is anything there? Yes..yes..the indisputable institution of marriage it self defines love. But whats love when theres divorce and polygamy? Then comes the "fate has been written..destiny" shit. So now we are blaming God for all the mishaps in our marriage? What is up in the world nowadays? Fuck!

I dare not to question the Almighty, so lets focus on a more detailed focus before i get struck the lightning. Love between unmarried humans. So what does that defines? Is it a must? Is it a necessity? Does the world gives a shit on these kind of love? But 1st of all, the question still hold. What the fuck is love?

According to the sciences fact that i gathered and understand (since i'm a science student), the feeling that people often describe "love" is actually a chemical reaction in the brains that force the brain to release sets of chemicals, including Pheromones, Dopamine, Nor-epinephrine, and Serotonin which acts as a stimulant agent at the brains's pleasure center, which will lead to :

>Sleep disorder
>Increased heart-rate
>Lost of appetite
>An intense feeling of excitement

So to my opinion, Love is drug. It drugs our brain to a euphoria state for a while making us vulnerable to illusions and motion-sickness. And its more to excitement, so it should not be called love, just use "excite" should be suffice.These powerful drug, makes us high inside, when outside we all look alike, sober. It makes us loose our mind, lack of decision making and the self-selfishness just gone out of the window. We tend to do the unthinkable, and some times we don't even remember what the hell is wrong with us till we realize we are in love. Crap!

So thats is the definition on Love by the chemists perception, and for me, hell yeah~love is just like doing drug? Count me in! This expedition shall continue since my friend is jerking me off to the mall today~till the next post..see ya!

.:st0p ruNning aNd fac3 da Fcking Truth:.

So here i am, clueless on what i have to write tonight. Although i never planned what i'm going to scribble in this piece of literature, i'm glad that i'm typing. For the past few hours I've been staring at this beautiful creature. Blessing of God from up high, i can concur. Slowly but surely, i'll understand these feeling that I've been feeling for the past couple of days. Regardless of the things that I've type so far, my vision is tunneling down a spiral rabbit hole in my head, getting darker every moment it sets in, deeper and deeper. Maybe its because of the sleep-lacking I've been experimenting in  a few days back. But that beautiful being, sat there, so vividly, inches of my eyes. Heart pounding against the mattress i faced my chest in. I want to smile, but why i can't. Maybe its the fact that i realize. No pure beauty for this mere beast. At least, no pure beauty with sincerity, no expandable rules and boundaries, that introduces the terms "Sincerity Comes With A Price" to my Oh-so-charity-me heart.

The sun is rising for the east, behind skyscrapers of a city so sinful, that streets filth with call-girls and catecholamine pushers, as a part of the world that so cruel, it reeks in your vein to just, roll over and die. But as the sun brightens the horizon, all the evil, all the horror, all the rigid part of a naked human flesh is covered with lies and deceit so it is so clear to a happy-tourist couple, that its is a great place to shop. Theres no place like home, this city is, maybe to some. But for me, a humble servant of life it self, this city, despite the gore and grotesque of the masquerade riders, i find hope. At this time, as i stand by the window, watch another day of living comes to a sequential-start, its the best part of my day.

Plus, that beautiful being, just sitting there, staring. Give me more courage and strength to force my self into uncertainties of hope. As we all know, HOPE is a subjective matter. Its a mere reality, 100% insecure fantasy, created by our very own minds, catalyzed by surrounding affects ; a boy, a bird, a song ,food, or maybe a favorite porn, THAT keeps us breathing,living our live, no matter what the status is. Maybe currently knee deep in shit or worse, face down. Its a temporary visual of the future that is to be most likely, achieve if the right amount of effort blended in. Just a visual, in our head. But without hope, life's is just a dope. Either we succeed or we fail, hope will always be there. Just a lit'faith. Its all good.

Hope this day today starts with an enough sleep through the morning, and the afternoon is as good as the sleep it self. That beautiful being just smile, like i'm stupid enough to distinguish between a fake smile and a smile of happiness rises in the lungs,chest,body, of this beautiful being. I know i can do more, even better, i know i can do it. Just stop staring me, spread your enchanted wings and fly,fly like its magic to me,magic to you. Be free. The devil wont be around when the sun is up. I promise.

Eyes now are blinking rapidly,more likely to stutters when the brains sends radio signal to the whole department, "Lets call it a day shall we? The Vessels tired already" So they r shutting down my system, one by one, phase by phase. Its starts from the bottom where my legs are feeling numb. Then when to the abdomen parts and chest. Then i'll lost wood. And before you know it, you are way down the "zzZzZz~" Lane.

=[Tiga.Dua.Satu]=

So after a long sleep, aku pon dah bangon dari tido. Segar, tapi still pening pale. Mimpi dalam tido yg tak cuci kaki kadang2 mengarut, kadang2 menarik. Tapi syukur malam tadi mimpi aku menarik. Sebab tuh aku dapat tido full 8 jam. Its her, dia datang lagi dlm mimpi aku. Ape maksud sebenar mimpi ni? All day aku menungkan. Tapi orang cakap, mimpi tuh mainan tidur, and some aktivis agama yang obses ckp, mainan syaitan. So lantak pi la drg nk maen2 dgn mimpi aku. Yang penting aku dapat tido nyenyak.

Hari ni hari selase dah kan? eh ntah~aku pon tak ingat what day is today. Anyway, mende same je tiap2 hari. No work, no money, and still future aku tengah kabur. Aku tengah slow2 nk bangun. Bangun dari the real dream. Aku hantar dobi dah, today nak amek. Good for me, since mesin basuh ader org mogok n bawak lari dah~aku jugak dah kemas my room. Tiap2 hari aku kemas bilik dah laa ni. Bal dah bising suroh potong rambut. Yer cik Balkhis, saya potong bile saye ader kesempatan. Dah macam orang hutan dah nih. Rambut panjang=kusut minda..

Nape hari nih aku tulis blog skema semacam jer? mcm takder modal jer? padahal bnyk mende nk share,amuk n shout nih~kahkahkah! tibe2 tgn aku dah dpt momentum..laju jer menaip ape yg terlintas kt pale otak aku nih. Tapi ape ek sebenarnye yg aku nk share? dok belit2 jer dari tadi..mmmm..nntilah klo ader idea aku tulis lagi~ erk!

10 KEBAIKKAN MAT REMPIT

10 KEBAIKKAN MAT REMPIT
--------------------------------

 1.BERSATU PADU - Mat rempit mmg terkenal dgn semangat berkumpulan mereka..mcm beruk..penah nmpk beruk kumbur2 tong sampah sekor2 jer? mesti bwk geng ramai..klo sekor2..mmg kene lauk~

2.TAK MEMILIH - Mat rempit tak memilih..xkisah rupe wajah..perangai..pangkat..darjat keluarge..sme mat rempit xkisah..asalkan buleh main..biarlah muke pecah mcmne pon..kaki kudis2..perot lipat2..so perempuan2 yg huduh2..yg risau xder pakwe sampai ke mati..xyah risau..MAT REMPIT ADE~ramai plak tuh~

3.HIDUP SEDERHANA - Branded? Style? Meterosexual? nah~mat rempit tolak tepi mende tuh sume..gedung pakaian Bundle sudey~moto pon ex5 cabuk..xkisah pon..keje pon sederhana je..jual burger..posto..or keje2 kampong jer..no need to style2..minyak wangi pon pkai minyak 2T je..

4.SIKAP BERKONGSI - Mat rempit suke berkongsi..mmg baek hati..mende yg paling berharge n org len tak kongsi..mat rempit murahkan hati utk berkongsi..PEREMPUAN..dapat sorang..mat rempit xtamak..drg kekahkan ramai2..dekat 20-30 org..mcm Raya Kurban laa~ciap rakam lagi aktiviti murni drg..bgos laa~

5.SERAGAM - Mat rempit nih mcm askar la..ader protokol pemakaian..kemas dan seragam~rambut sumer pendek jer..kaler pon satu pesen..mmg dye rambut issue pnyer..baju t-shirt 2nd hand..suar sendat..n yes~kasut kapal "Timberland"..menampakkn identiti rempit sejati..mane2 org kenal..

6.SUKE MEMBANTU - Mat rempit pantang nmpak makcik tue bwak beg bnyk2 tepi jalan..drg kesian tgk makcik tuh..mesti drg dtg n tolong makcik tuh bwkkn beg..niat drg mmg baek~tp tuh r..moto laju sgt kan? tuh yg sampai terjatuh makcik tuh..ader yg mati..ader gugur..ader yg luke2..tp mat rempit xsengaje~btol..niat drg mmg baek..

7.RAKAN COP - Mat rempit lah yg selalu mmbantu pihak polis dari dok temenung kat balai jer..mat rempit dgn penuh dedikasi menghuru-harakan jalan supaya pihak polis dpt berlatih cara2 menangkap penjenayah..wat roadblock..n saman org bnyk2..klo xder mat rempit..boroi jer sme polis kt malaysia nih~

8.TIDAK MENGAKU KALAH - semangat mat rempit yg kental dan cekal..jatuh bangun semula..xpernah mengaku kalah..dah patah riuk masuk besi sana-sini..masih meneruskan cita2 mat rempit yg tinggi..selagi tak mati..slagi tuh merempit.."agi idup..agi merempit~" yeah!

9.BERFIKIRAN POSITIF DAN TERBUKA - mat rempit mmpunyai minda yg positif dan terbuka..pedulikan ape org kata..mereka bangga mereka rempit..biarlah org nk maki hamun..hina..cemuh..mak ayah pon tak mngaku anak..TAK PER! KAMI BANGGA KAMI REMPIT!

10.MEMBANTU INDUSTRI PEKERJAAN TAHAP RENDAH - Siapa yang nak jadi posmen..mekanik cabuk..keje KFC..despatch..pencuri dan peragut klo x MAT REMPIT..klo xder mat rempit..tutop la KFC..surat xberhantar..lambakkan motor ex5..lambakkan sparepart motor..terima kasih mat rempit!

WeLcoMe To JuNgLe!

 "Hola!In hymn,a humble habitue haulier,cast hilariously as both hero and hostage by the hippodrome of Fate. This historical,no mere Hippocrates of Himalaya,is it hoist of the hoi polloi,now hacked,homeless.However,this homesick hallucination of a by-gone hexation,stands horrified,and has hold to hospitalize these hosier and hothead hotelier hankering huff and hairstyling the hidden hibiscus and hexameter humanization of hell.The only hope is hierarchy;a hi-fi,held as a hideaway,not in hail,for the haiku and hangman of such shall one day hasitate the highlands and the hiatus.Hence,this Hichyssoise of hickory heard most hectic,so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to know you and you may call me Hafiz"

Hoooargh!!!(Bunyi bruang) huhuhu..ini adalah 1st entry for this new blog..terima kasih kepada semua rakan2 yang menjadi inspirasi supaya aku memulakan penulisan blog ni..aku telah membaca semua blog kawan2 dan aku menemui satu jalan yang seronok untuk berkongsi kerepek-kerepek merepek bersama anda semua..most of the time aku tak center..stone..xckop tido n maybe depress dengan kehidupan yang penuh pancaindera dan pancaragam nih..untuk menhilangkan dahaga..aku merepek..aku merepek tak ingat dunia sehingga aku kembali dahaga..dan aku terus merepek..merepek dan merepek..merepek tak terkata..ada someone ones told me "klo nak merepek..beli lah kerepek" aku dah cube dah..aku beli kerepek..banyak plak tuh..dah berguni-guni kerepek..aku buntu..tak tahu ape nak wat dengan kerepek-kerepek yang aku dah beli..kerepek ubi rase nyer..walaupun bnyak kerepek tuh..aku still xdpt memuaskan dahaga aku nih..so aku cari org yang soh aku bli kerepek klo nk merepek tuh..i beat the crap out of him! i mean..whats the significants of buying potato chips with merepek? yang aku pegi ikot pon sape suruh rite? so atlast..aku pon tulis blog..n aku harap..dgn penulisan blog nih..dpt lah bg kepuasan pada dahaga aku nih..org mesti tertanye2.."ape yang ko dahagakan dari tadi?" so aku pon jwb dengan tenang..sambil tangan aku menyisir rambut aku yang panjang nih ke belakang..lalu membakar sebatang rokok Malboro Fresh-Mint.."jeng..jeng..jeng.." Sekian..enjoi!