.:st0p ruNning aNd fac3 da Fcking Truth:.

So here i am, clueless on what i have to write tonight. Although i never planned what i'm going to scribble in this piece of literature, i'm glad that i'm typing. For the past few hours I've been staring at this beautiful creature. Blessing of God from up high, i can concur. Slowly but surely, i'll understand these feeling that I've been feeling for the past couple of days. Regardless of the things that I've type so far, my vision is tunneling down a spiral rabbit hole in my head, getting darker every moment it sets in, deeper and deeper. Maybe its because of the sleep-lacking I've been experimenting in  a few days back. But that beautiful being, sat there, so vividly, inches of my eyes. Heart pounding against the mattress i faced my chest in. I want to smile, but why i can't. Maybe its the fact that i realize. No pure beauty for this mere beast. At least, no pure beauty with sincerity, no expandable rules and boundaries, that introduces the terms "Sincerity Comes With A Price" to my Oh-so-charity-me heart.

The sun is rising for the east, behind skyscrapers of a city so sinful, that streets filth with call-girls and catecholamine pushers, as a part of the world that so cruel, it reeks in your vein to just, roll over and die. But as the sun brightens the horizon, all the evil, all the horror, all the rigid part of a naked human flesh is covered with lies and deceit so it is so clear to a happy-tourist couple, that its is a great place to shop. Theres no place like home, this city is, maybe to some. But for me, a humble servant of life it self, this city, despite the gore and grotesque of the masquerade riders, i find hope. At this time, as i stand by the window, watch another day of living comes to a sequential-start, its the best part of my day.

Plus, that beautiful being, just sitting there, staring. Give me more courage and strength to force my self into uncertainties of hope. As we all know, HOPE is a subjective matter. Its a mere reality, 100% insecure fantasy, created by our very own minds, catalyzed by surrounding affects ; a boy, a bird, a song ,food, or maybe a favorite porn, THAT keeps us breathing,living our live, no matter what the status is. Maybe currently knee deep in shit or worse, face down. Its a temporary visual of the future that is to be most likely, achieve if the right amount of effort blended in. Just a visual, in our head. But without hope, life's is just a dope. Either we succeed or we fail, hope will always be there. Just a lit'faith. Its all good.

Hope this day today starts with an enough sleep through the morning, and the afternoon is as good as the sleep it self. That beautiful being just smile, like i'm stupid enough to distinguish between a fake smile and a smile of happiness rises in the lungs,chest,body, of this beautiful being. I know i can do more, even better, i know i can do it. Just stop staring me, spread your enchanted wings and fly,fly like its magic to me,magic to you. Be free. The devil wont be around when the sun is up. I promise.

Eyes now are blinking rapidly,more likely to stutters when the brains sends radio signal to the whole department, "Lets call it a day shall we? The Vessels tired already" So they r shutting down my system, one by one, phase by phase. Its starts from the bottom where my legs are feeling numb. Then when to the abdomen parts and chest. Then i'll lost wood. And before you know it, you are way down the "zzZzZz~" Lane.